you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He passed out mid-signature
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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