The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
