bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
