I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was like eating out sand paper
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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