Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
