I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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