Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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