How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
