So drunk its hurt
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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