im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He passed out mid-signature
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
