Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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