Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
