That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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