Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
