wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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