drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have fence marks all over my body
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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