Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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