He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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