Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
