he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's like iHOP with fire
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
