Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize