Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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