she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
