He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
