Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
