Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
