my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
