Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
