At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
