Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
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I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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