I heard we made out
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
