I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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