she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
