i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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