Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
