my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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