Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I would fuck him just for his dog
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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