is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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