First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
