dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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