No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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