Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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