i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
