I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
