i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
