I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
