Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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