We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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