Im at strip club and am horny
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
