and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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