Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
