I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
