Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Shame - the story of my life.
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