I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
third nipple confirmed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
