You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize