I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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