Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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