did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
