i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
