New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
