she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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