I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
