you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
