So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
