Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
