who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
