so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
