you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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