got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
