I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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