did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
zippers are such a cool invention
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
