You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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