I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
