So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
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You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
tell me about the eggs
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