I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
