Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
