Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
