dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
