is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize