Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
