i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
