The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
