I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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