There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
