Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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