Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
